Signs You've Grown Up - Here are my favorites from this perenial email:
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you - That's a funny transition that I've seen coming for some time...very weird in some cases, think mother-in-law.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up - I fight this one everyday.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one - Sad, so sad, but true.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests - My list of medication has increased significantly recently, which is VERY bothersome. I never used to take anything, and now I'm comparing prices and buy in bulk at Costco.
You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass - Yep, all the way...shame, shame, shame.
Note Home from Teacher - Let's hope things have improved since this letter was written...second to last paragraphs sounds like something out of a President Bush press conference.
Enable the features found in Windows XP Professional on your Windows XP Home Edition installation with this hack. It will allow you to turn your Windows XP Home CD into a Windows XP Professional CD.
Note: If your Windows XP CD does not contain Service Pack 2, you might want to Slipstream Your Windows XP CD first as you will not be able to upgrade an installation after using the CD.
I absolutely love this woman's reaction to the National Enquirer headline...But which headline was the cause? Katie colapsing before her wedding to Tom? Or Marie Osmond's suicide attempt? My enquiring mind doesn't really want to know.
This hilarious piece came from (dead link), who received it by email, so I don't know who wrote it. Best part comes at the end, but you need to read the rest to get the picture of what happened...It's one of those "You know you're a redneck when..." moments.
This was the advertisement in Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop window next to the condo we rented last month in Florida:
Pocket Taser Stun Gun
Great Gift for the Wife
So I went in to check it out. I saw something that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 30th anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Gisele. What I came across was a 100,000 volt, pocket/purse-sized taser...
Start Before You Are Ready
~ Robert Zuckerman
Kindsight®: Images and Words From the Flow - Serendipity. I woke up early on a Saturday morning and flipped the TV on to a Barry Kibrick interview with photographer Robert Zuckerman. Zuckerman has compiled a collection of photographs and quotes for a book called Kindsight®: Images and Words From the Flow. In his day job, Zuckerman is a well respected still photographer for the movie industry. He does portraits, movie poster images, and set photographs. This book contained none of those images. Instead, Kindsight® showcases photos of everyday people Zuckerman discovered during his not-so-everyday life, informal portraits of real people during moment of kindness.
The funniest essay I've read, period. Always has me belly laughing, with tears running down my face.
Please do not remove the copyright from this essay
Recently I was honored to be selected
as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my Community to be
a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to
do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last
moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's
table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call
I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't
be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have
free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being
one of those burdens you endure when you're an Internet
writer and therefore known and adored by all.
One of the funniest things I've ever received by email. Truly wish I knew who wrote it.
Dear Mom & Dad,
We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Scoutmaster Webb is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him...
I'm awfully glad I can pee standing up.
Subject: Visit to the Ladies Room
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
What I've Learned: Homer Simpson
Nuclear-power-plant safety inspector, 39, Springfield
Interviewed by John Frink and Don Payne
When someone tells you your butt is on fire, you should take them at their word.
There is no such thing as a bad doughnut.
Kids are like monkeys, only louder.
If you want results, press the red button. The rest are useless.
There are some things that just aren't meant to be eaten.
My favorite color is chocolate.
Rec'd from email chain
The New Alphabet for Boomers -
A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said,
but let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now A's for arthritis; B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
Rec'd from email chain. A play on words (29 of them actually) that all word lovers, lexophiles and humorists will enjoy.
1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A- flat minor.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
Rec'd from email chain
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
It contains 85 tools--every tool currently available on Wenger Swiss Army Knives--is 9-inches wide and weighs 2 pounds. Need to find out what it costs. Even more, I wonder if this is a load of &^%$#. Call me gullible...
Intriguing perspective on the how the Internet is a denial of service attack on your brain.
"We found that mental performance, the capability of the brain, was also reduced. Workers cannot think as well when they are worrying about e-mail or voice mails. It effectively reduces their IQ," says Wilson.
Fact: Stress shrinks neuronal cells in the brain that affect memory, decision-making, and attention (at least in mice).
Prevention: Exercise and seeing a "shrink" (cognitive therapy, etc.)
Just one meal of saturated fat can inflame the inner lining (endothelium) of blood vessels. This reduces the vessels' ability to expand and increase blood flow. Further, the inflammation can lead to lesions or cracks between the cells in the vessel lining, which are repaired by the body using cholesterol (oversimplification). When bad cholesterol (LDL) is used for the repair, plaque buildup and arteriosclerosis can result. When good cholesterol (HDL) is used for the repair, plaque buildup is less likely.
Just one meal of high saturated fats can reduce good cholesterol (HDL) levels. Conversely, one meal of unsaturated fats can increase good cholesterol (HDL) levels.
Take a gander at the total fat, saturated fat, sodium, and cholesterol content in this mother of a breakfast from Swanson. It's called the Hungry Man All Day Breakfast--sure to give you arteriosclerosis.
I'll take two.
Received this in an email
A Loving Husband...
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Escalating violence is natural - Fascinating NY Times piece by Daniel Gilbert, a professor of psychology at Harvard, and author of Stumbling on Happiness. In this article, Gilbert explains how our faulty human perception in a tit-for-tat exchange can lead to escalating violence. Apropos of the Middle Earth...uh, Middle East conflicts between Israel and Hezbollah, the civil war in Iraq, and so many other conflicts...
Ze'ev Maoz's editorial struck me as incredibly brave. For an Israeli to opening admit such a point of view...But why should I label this act as brave? Would it be brave in the U.S.? No. People express their dissent about U.S. government policy all the time--we stage protests, heckle, post blog entries.
Is Israel any different?
I admit ignorance. I guess I have this impression (false?) that the government of Israel dislikes dissenters AND can make their lives uncomfortable. Is that true? I need to dispel my ignorance here. I just don't know the truth about the culture, the Israeli society. I'd like to learn. Given the current conflict in the region, I need to learn.
The first paragraph of Maoz's editorial startled me:
Immune to Cancer - Scientists discovered that some mice just don't get cancer--they seem somehow immune. So they took the white blood cells of those cancer resistant mice, and inject them into previously non-resistant mice. Within a few days or weeks of being injected, those normal mice become resistant or immune to cancer.
Will this approach work in humans?
What an absolutely gorgeous image. I really want to think it's a composite of some sort, like the Main/BestPhotoOfTheMoon. Whatever the case, it's pleasing to the eye...if not shocking.
A living social system is a of communications. The aliveness of an organization , or communities of practice. Bringing life into human organizations means empowering their communities of practice.
You can never direct a social system; . A living network chooses which disturbances to notice and how to respond. A message will get through to people in a community of practice when it is meaningful to them.
The creativity and adaptability of life at critical points of instability. Every human organization contains both designed and emergent structures. The challenge is to .
In addition to holding a clear vision, facilitating the emergence of novelty by building and nurturing networks of communications; creating a learning culture in which questioning is encouraged and innovation is rewarded; creating a climate of trust and mutual support; and recognizing viable novelty when it emerges, while allowing the freedom to make mistakes.
Wonderful samples of inadvertently embarrassing URLs used by well-intentioned businesses and companies. So many more out there, I'm sure.
Guess the industry of this URL...
I didn't know Fred Clark, but after reading this obituary, I wish I had.
Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006.
True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids.
Absolutely hilarious! I can just see this guy wandering around a Target (or Wal-Mart?) store, stirring up mischief during the holidays. Worthy of Punk'd, Psyched, etc. Who is this Bill Fenton? I want to know so I can get out of his wake. Merry F***ing Christmas!
The following letter was sent to Mrs. Fenton, a long-time patron of a local Target store. After receiving this letter, she vowed that she would NEVER take her husband shopping with her again!
Talk about your Inconvenient Truth (apologies to Al and Tipper).
This piece reveals some uncomfortable truths about men, from lust to football. The playbook has been revealed.
- Poorly managed in general (food concessions and parking especially)
- Disinterested employees
- No magic, bland spirit or feel about the park
- Criminally negligent parking lot pedestrian management
- Theme Park without a "Theme"*
* Great America has changed hands many times. Current Parmount owner sprinkles a very few movie artifacts and posters around the park, but little else.
According to psychologist Steven Hayes, happiness is not normal. He came to this conclusion sometime after his first panic attack.
Hayes experienced the panic attack during a heated psychology department meeting at the University of North Carolina, where he was an assistant professor. This first attack led to others, and soon Steven Hayes felt panic attacks coming on at the slightest provocation: eating in a restaurant or even going grocery shopping could set off an episode. During lectures, he was often physically unable to speak to his class, so he frequently showed documentary and research films--though his hands shook so badly, he was barely able to thread the projector (this was pre-video days).
To remedy his condition, he turned to the most popular therapy approach he knew of, cognitive therapy. As a therapist, he had access to most recent research and tried a variety of approached within the cognitive therapy umbrella. However, no matter what technique he tried, they all made this symptoms worse, not better.
"The discomfort, the uncertainty, the physical and mental challenge that I get from this -- all the things that too many of us spend our time and energy trying to avoid -- they are precisely the things that keep me in the game." ~ Brian Grazer
I just listened to an essay Brian Grazer contributed to the NPR series, This I Believe (a revival of the Edward R. Murrow series of the same name). Brian Grazer produces feature films and television shows. Some years back, he and director , started Imagine Entertainment. His essay for NPR, titled Disrupting My Comfort Zone, speaks of how he is always striving to break out or disrupt his comfort zone. That's how or why he has grown and evolved.
That's his driving philosophy of life.
I'm an unusual man, at least in one sense: I love movies adapted from Jane Austen novels.
Note, I've never actually read a Jane Austen novel.
I just like the movies...Well, most of them.
Advice below is adapted from the Dr. Greene site, which seems pretty sensible compared to others.
Bee Stings Remedies
If stung by bee, consider trying one or more of the following bee sting remedies...
I'm awed by the opening theme of Band of Brothers. Composed by Michael Kamen, it's haunting, uplifting...it expresses the emotional range of the nine-plus hour film in just a few minutes. The story goes that Kamen was working on the score for some piece of shlock (can't remember what), couldn't get anywhere, and was approached or referred by Hanks to do Band of Brothers. Hanks knew Kamen from the miniseries From the Earth to the Moon, which Hanks produced and Kamen scored.
Dilbert and IBM - Since I'm now working at IBM (me and about 340,000 others), I found a special affinity for this cartoon, which was passed around by a co-worker. The fact he cc'd our manager with the cartoon tells loads. So from my experience, IBM isn't (always) this way :)