Rec'd this from my wife...Go figure.
Men's Rules - We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
Please noteÖthese are all numbered "1" on purpose!
- Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Donít try to change that.
- If you think youíre fat, you probably are. Donít ask us.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Learn to work the toilet seat. Youíre a big girl. If itís up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You donít hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
- Sunday = sports. Itís like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!
- "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thatís what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
- Not both.
- If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
- Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches down there, it will be scratched. We do that.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothingís wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask a question you donít want an answer to, expect an answer you donít want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, REALLY.
- Donít ask us what weíre thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
- Sport, or
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, men really donít mind that, itís like camping.
|The Penis Book|