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"Are My Testicles Black?"
Received from a relative...this had me cracking up for quite a while...enjoy!
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. But listen very, very closely......
Why Men Have Better Friends
Friendship between Women
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there.
Source - Why Men Have Better Friends
Beer Turns Men into Women - Study Finds
"Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."
Teens and Sex - New Study
Teens and Sex - New Study - Interesting observations from this study reviewed in Psychology Today. As a parent of a pre-teen, it caught my interest. Quotes and notes from the article below...
Self-Made Man Norah Vincent - Journey Into Manhood
Two Sides of Norah Vincent
Norah Vincent was a gender spy.
To write her book Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back, she transformed herself into a male alter-ego she named "Ned." To look the part, she got a haircut, added fake stubble to her face and 15 lbs. of muscle to her upper-body. She bound her chest, wore a suit and tie, and inserted a fake penis into her male briefs.
Norah Vincent pretended to be man for 18 months.
During that time she went to strip clubs, joined a bowling league, attended a men's monastery, and went out on dates -- all the while pretending to be a man named Ned.
In the end, Vincent suffered a nervous breakdown, angered some of those she deceived, and learned a lot about the culture of BOTH genders.
Heaven, 1963 - by Kim Noriega
Heaven, 1963
by Kim Noriega
It's my favorite photo--
captioned, "Daddy and His Sweetheart."
It's in black and white,
it's before Pabst Blue Ribbon,
before his tongue became a knife
that made my mother bleed,
and before he blackened my eye
the time he thought I meant to end my life.
He's standing in our yard on Porter Road
beneath the old chestnut tree.
He's wearing sunglasses,
a light cotton shirt,
and a dreamy expression.
He's twenty-seven.
I'm two.
My hair, still baby curls,
is being tossed by a gentle breeze.
I'm fast asleep in his arms.
No Sex Tonight
Classic piece off of craigslist. Totally hilarious. If link dies, read cached copy below.
best of craigslist : NO SEX TONIGHT!
NO SEX TONIGHT!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed...
How Men and Women Shower
How Men and Women Shower - Totally love this short video explaining/demonstrating the differences in how men and women take a shower. Cute, funny, safe-for-work.
(:youtube Qehxjub5lyo:)
How Men and Women Shower
Miller Ad About Beer and Makeup
Miller Ad About Beer and Makeup - This advertisement (photoshopped?) had me grinning for quite a while...
Miller Ad About Beer and Makeup
How to Punctuate for Sex
The Importance of Punctuation
An English professor wrote these words on a blackboard:
Then directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
What Men Want on a Remote Control
Remote Control for Men
I wonder what women want on a remote control. And notice the apple logo...Is this a reference to the apple in Adam and Eve?
Advice to Young Men from an Old Man
Classic piece off Craigslist. Some points are very insightful. Some angry. Some kind of...odd. But all worth reading. If link dies, read cached copy.
Condom Ads for Durex
Durex Condom Ads - Condom ads that are safe for work. Very clever.
Men's Rules
Rec'd this from my wife...Go figure.
Men's Rules - We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
Please note…these are all numbered "1" on purpose!
- Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
- If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Upgrading from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0
Absolutely hilarious! The original version has been augmented by enthusiastic geeky husbands (and wives?) Enjoy!
Upgrading from Girlfriend to Wife - Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
11 Don't-Tell-the-Wife Secrets
Talk about your Inconvenient Truth (apologies to Al and Tipper).
This piece reveals some uncomfortable truths about men, from lust to football. The playbook has been revealed.
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