Playboy: If life is so purposeless, do you feel its worth living?
Maryannaville collected some great quotes for her blog post When Insults Had Class. I notice almost all were from or about men.
I am not insulted.
Here are some of my favorites, with a couple others I found.
There are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool spring breeze on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation. It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.
~ Gonzo Papers, Vol. 2: Generation of Swine: Tales of Shame and Degradation in the '80s (1988)
Gregory Bateson (9 May 1904 Ė 4 July 1980) was a British anthropologist, social scientist, linguist, semiotician and cyberneticist whose work intersected that of many other fields. Some of his most noted writings are to be found in his books, Steps to an Ecology of Mind (1972) and Mind and Nature (1979). Angels Fear (published posthumously in 1987) was co-authored by his daughter Mary Catherine Bateson.
Gregory Bateson - Wikipedia
~ David Allen
There is usually an inverse proportion between how much something is on your mind and how much it's getting done.
~ David Allen
Anything that does not belong where it is, is an "open loop" pulling on your attention.
~ David Allen
The office is no place for off-color remarks or offensive jokes. That's why I never go there.
~ Homer Simpson
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
~ Steven Weinberg
"It ainít those parts of the Bible that I canít understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."
~ Mark Twain
Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.
~ Isaac Asimov
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
~ George Bernard Shaw
Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions.
~ Blaise Pascal
- Who writes elevator music? Do they do it intentionally?
- If our moms were setting us up on a blind date, what three things would your mom tell mine about you?
- If you were a candy bar, which one would you be, and why?
- If they made a movie about your life, which actor should portray you?
- What was your favorite cereal as a kid?
Seven Blunders of the World
- Wealth without work
- Pleasure without conscience
- Knowledge without character
- Commerce without morality
- Science without humanity
- Worship without sacrifice
- Politics without principle
My favorite quotes from 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss. Unless otherwise attributed, all quotes direct from the author.
Identify the few critical tasks that contribute most to income and schedule them with very short and clear deadlines.
Most inputs are useless and time is wasted in proportion to the amount of time that is available.
A task will swell in (perceived) importance and complexity in relation to the time allotted for its completion. ~ Parkinson's Law
Perfection is not when there is no more to add, but no more to take away ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Being overwhelmed is often as unproductive as doing nothing...
Lack of time is actually lack of priorities.
The Importance of Punctuation
An English professor wrote these words on a blackboard:
Then directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Funny Words in Court - From a little book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. Here are about 30 things people actually said in court, word for word.
Rec'd by email...VERY funny...even wise.
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Newspaper Headlines - Found these at Funny Pages. They are all hopefully inadvertent. Some very funny. Some take a while to get what's wrong. Here are a few of my favorites:
- Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
- Never withhold herpes from loved one
- Farmer bill dies in house
- Organ festival ends in smashing climax
What Dave Barry Learned in 50 Years - Got this by email. Totally hilarious....After the first three, I lost bladder control--Thanks Dave Barry!
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Rec'd via email...a couple times. Popular and funny list of analogies used in high school essays. I think some of them are pretty inventive.
- The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
- Her hair glistened in the rain, like a nose hair after a sneeze.
Rec'd from co-worker this list of 21 funny statements made by pilots or attendents in the cabin of commercial airliners. Here are the top three...
1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
Stress Management - When explaining stress management to an audience, the lecturer raised a glass of water and asked:
"How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
The lecturer replied:
"The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.
"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight:
The longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.
The Muse visits during the act of creation, not before. Don't wait for her. Start alone.
~ Roger Ebert
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
~ Rudyard Kipling, 1935
In the world, what counts more than talent, what counts more than energy, concentration, commitment, or anything else is kindness....And all the big words--virtue, justice, truth--are dwarfed by the greatness of kindness.
~ Stephen Fry
I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests....Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
~ Calvin & Hobbes by Bill Watterson.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
~ Carl Jung
Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Steven Wright - Here's another emailed bit of humor. It's by Steven Wright, whose biography consists of the following:
Below is a brief description included with the email. I'm not sure who wrote that part or about the "scientist" part, but Wright sure has a unique way of viewing the world. Enjoy!
I was reading The Soul's Code: In search of Character and Calling by James Hillman. In lieu of a preface, he presents a small collection of quotations. Here are my favorites.
~ Joseph Chilton Pearce, Evolution's End
~ Pablo Picasso
~ Robertson Davies, Fifth Business
~ C. G. Jung
And this by Nabokov is...beautiful
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Speak, Memory