| 1. Label their feelings, rather than labeling people or situations. | "I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous." "I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk." "I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like a idiot." |
| 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings. | Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that Feelings: I feel: (feeling word) |
| 3. Take responsibility for their feelings. | "I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous." |
| 4. Use their feelings to help them make decisions. | "How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't" |
| 5. Show respect for other people's feelings. | They ask "How will you feel if I do this?" "How will you feel if I don't." |
| 6. Feel energized, not angry. | They use what others call "anger" to help them feel energized to take productive action. |
| 7. Validate other people's feelings. | They show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings. |
| 8. Practice getting a positive value from their negative emotions. | They ask themselves: "How do I feel?" and "What would help me feel better?" They ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?" |
| 9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others. | They realize it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of such behavior, so they avoid it. |
| 10. Avoid people who invalidate them, or don't respect their feelings. | As much as possible, they choose to associate only with other people with high EQ. |
